Disappointed but Relieved

I never made it to boot camp this week. And this was the last week :-( and there's no more boot camp until April. I'm disappointed that I started and couldn't finish this time around. But I'm also a little relieved because with all the appliances breaking and my work schedule being busy plus I am teaching a feng shui class and doing some angel readings and parties...it all adds up to not much time for myself. And I know my health and fitness should be a priority but I am so anxious about money and time and the holidays that something had to give and like most women out there, I gave up my self care. BUT...only temporarily. I plan on working out on my own at least 20 minutes a day. Cindy from Cynergy is sending me some exercise ideas and I can make a schedule and routine for myself. Cindy has invited me back to work out as soon as I can. I plan on going a couple days a week starting in January. I know this will make a difference in my life.

Why do women put themselves last? I want to do it all but I want balance in my life and right now I feel it is very unbalanced. All work, not much play. How do you balance your life???

Gut Instinct: Sometimes finding balance is like looking for the perfect house. You know the right house is out there; you may have to make some renovations but once it's all done, you can relax and enjoy. Life is like a house. Sometimes it needs work, sometimes you need help and sometimes you have to move/make a change.

Try this exercise to see how balanced your life is right now:

The Circle of Life
As a starting point you could try out this exercise, looking at the diagram consider each wedge in turn and rate it from zero = the worst it could be; to Ten = the best it can be. The wedge or wedges that come out the lowest are the ones that you could be working on to bring them closer to 10.

Borrowed from www.lifeworkscoaching.co.uk/tryit!.html

Where has the time gone???

I can't believe it's been two weeks since I've posted. It's that crazy time of year sneaking up on me. But since I missed that Monday boot camp, it's been harder and harder to make it to boot camp. I went a few days that week, but missed Monday and Tuesday. When I went back on Wednesday that week I had a great time and realized I hate to miss a class. However, the following week I only made it to boot camp ONCE! It was Thanksgiving week and it turned into a busy week at work AND home. My dryer broke and my heat wasn't working so I had to stay home and take care of those things. And I had to work and shop for Thanksgiving so boot camp got pushed aside. They had a .m. class on turkey day but I did not, could not, get my ass out of bed to go. And naturally I ate too much, not of turkey, but of all the carbs...potatoes, sweet potatoes, corn, plus asparagus, salad.

Now tomorrow starts the last week of boot camp. I want to go and I don't want to go. My schedule is pretty packed this week and I let go of stuff that isn't a priority but haven't I been saying that my health and weight ARE a priority??? I plan on going tomorrow morning in spite of my stress level and anxiety. Truly I know deep in my heart that exercise lessens anxiety. So it would be the thing not to push aside. It is the one thing I should do.

One more week and then boot camp is over until April. I have decided that I will take a few months off from Cynergy and work out at home and my regular gym where I still have a membership. I will look forward to doing boot camp again in the spring. By then I hope to have lost more weight and inches on my own...by working out and training consistently.

Gut Instinct: Sometimes it is the anticipation of doing something that is worse than actually doing it. For example: Not wanting to go to boot camp or the gym and then once you get there and start working out, you're glad you did!

The First Time

I skipped boot camp today for the first time. I woke up and got dressed to go, but my chest hurt and I felt out of breath. I ate a clementine, took my blood pressure pills and vitamins but still didn't feel like myself. My head was foggy and not quite right all over. Maybe it's over tiredness, maybe it's a cold coming on, maybe my body just wanted another day of rest.



I kept thinking that I would go and stop if I couldn't breathe or something hurt. But I decided to listen to my body and stay home. Plus my kids are home today because of Veterans Day, even though one of my kids has plans in Boston today. I watched a movie (Face-Off) with my youngest and her "boy" friend. I have to work tonight too so that played a part. I can't afford to call in sick so better to stay home and take it easy. hope to go back tomorrow. Will wait and see how I feel.



I have to make a doctor appointment so I can ask about changing my blood pressure meds to see if it makes a difference in my weight loss. Also on my list today is to transfer to Commonwealth care insurance otherwise there is a fine if I don't have insurance by December 1st.



My dryer isn't working. My heat isn't working and my dishwasher is not cleaning the dishes well. It seems like every year at this time, things break. Last year it was my oven and my fridge. UGH! All these things have to be taken care of this week but I get overwhelmed by it all. But like well-known life coach Cheryl Richardson says,

"Inaction=Anxiety. Action=Peace of Mind."

So I know once I cross those things off my to-do list I will feel less anxious and overwhelmed.



Gut Instinct: Listen to your body. Your body knows. The body is beautiful, brilliant and blessed.

First week redux and home gyms

I survived...again...the first week of boot camp. Still fun and challenging but different. Maybe it's because I know what to expect. Not sure what I'll be doing next month, whether taking some time off (=more Xmas money) or do the metabolic training. Regardless, I probably will do the first boot camp they offer next year in April. I know I have to keep moving whether I work out at Cynergy, at home or at my old gym. I feel better physically and mentally after a workout.
In a way, I find it to be meditative. I wrote in an earlier blog that I close my eyes during some of the exercises. Cindy (the trainer) asked, "Are you going to your happy place?" And in a way, I am. When I close my eyes I can focus, push myself and complete the reps. It works for me.

I also want to set up a "home gym or workout area" so that I can continue fat burning and muscle building without having to leave home. I have weights but would like to add some heavier ones, one or two kettle bell weights, a slant bench, a step, and if I could find a way I'd love to add a chin-up bar and rings. Plus maybe a couple of medicine balls. Ideally I would love a rowing machine because it works every part of your body. But I would use a treadmill too especially on the too cold or too hot to walk outside days.

I would love to hear from anyone who has set-up their own home gym.

Gut Instinct: Move everyday, at home or at a gym. Your body will love you for it.

Boot Camp Second Time Around

After talking to Cindy (owner/trainer/coach at Cynergy) I decided to do as many days of boot camp as I can and pay her in installments...depending on the frequency of my workouts. I'm concerned that I may not be able to keep the pace of Mon-Fri workouts during this busy month. So far this week I have gone to the first three days of boot camp and if I can't make a day I can always got to a different time or go to metabolic training. Also, if I feel I can't make a day then I won't feel badly about it. However my goal is to go as many days as I can. I want to get in shape and boost my metabolism even more.



I am frustrated that the weight isn't falling off as it should. But after the horrendous eating weekend I had I can't expect too much to come off these past few days. I am seriously hoping that I can lower or eliminate my blood pressure drugs because I feel that I can't drop the weight because of the beta blockers I am on and the ACE inhibitors. From what I could find on WebMD and other medical sites, beta blockers can cause weight gain and a slowing of metabolism. I want to keep my heart safe because I do have palpitations and other heart issues and I know the pills help but doesn't it also help my blood pressure to lose weight?
Catch-22??

As far as food, I don't know if I am eating enough or not enough. My nutritionist Noelle set me up on a menu plan but I don't know what the calorie count is. I think it's 1500 so maybe I need more. To eat less would probably not be enough. Got to have fuel for the workouts.


But as far as boot camp is concerned, these first few days were definitely easier than the last time. I did more push-ups, sit-ups, squats and I even did the burpees a little better. It felt good to not have such low numbers.

I also did not have as much pain the next day after the workouts. The new people were hurting today and I had almost no muscle pain. Today was a tough workout and I felt like I was running out of steam. I try not to eat too much before because I do get nauseous. I had one whole wheat waffle with lite syrup one hour before camp. My energy level dropped as the workout went on. I should have had a little protein with it. Alot of running today too. One of these days I will be able to run a full 1/2 mile or mile without having to stop or switch to walking. My legs felt like they could keep going but my lungs and breathing struggled.

Gut Instinct: Don't give up if the scale isn't moving. It's not all about the pounds.

Not all about boot camp

It's about the food too. This blog started out as an intuitive eating journal...a place to talk about food challenges, eating right and still being able to enjoy the sweet and salty of life. During boot camp I got away from writing about it, but it remained an integral part of the experience. Somehow, food truly did become less of an issue on a daily basis. I started to understand the food is fuel mantra. I said in a previous post that food became a non-issue and that is something I never thought I'd say or think so soon in my weight loss journey.

However, this weekend I didn't do too much exercise and I craved sweets. I ate a couple of cookies which in of itself is not "bad" but what it could potentially set in motion could be bad for my health. I wanted more. Nothing in my cabinets or fridge satisfied me. I did not want an apple or a banana, no sugar snap peas or hummus...no I wanted ice cream, cookies, brownies. Good thing I only had two cookies in the house because I could have done some major bingeing! Not quite sure what caused my sweet tooth to emerge so insistent.

So what to my dismay did I find when I went to work on Sunday? Munchkins from Dunkin Donuts, UGH. I avoided them for awhile by keeping busy doing work but when we gathered for the store meeting, I sat down and ate about 6 munchkins in a row. I can't tell you the last time I ate a munchkin, or a donut of any kind for that matter. And for anyone who has been eating healthy, they can tell you what happened to me next. A short while later, I ended up with a severe stomach ache and cramps. My body can't seem to take all that fat and those carbs. I spent alot of time in the bathroom and was reminded why I don't eat that crap anymore. It tastes good going down but...well, you get the picture.

You'd think I would have learned my lesson. But no. For lunch my coworker brought me back a hamburger happy meal for lunch. UGH DOUBLE UGH. More stomach aches. When I went home, for dinner I tried to make up for all the bad choices I made earlier in the day. I made whole wheat pasta, some tuna and a salad. YUM.

However, the trend continued today, Monday. I went to the first day of boot camp (more on that later) and decided to go to the movies. I planned on bringing healthy snacks with me but I would have been late so what did I choose? Not plain popcorn, no, I got an order of nachos and that fake bright yellow cheese. I did get a large bottle of water. And tonight I made a roasted chicken with brown basmati rice and asparagus. Good healthy and delicious food. I am getting back on track now.

Even though I craved sweets, believe it or not, I did not eat any Halloween candy. The candy hasn't really interested me.

Back on track........

Gut Instinct: Just because you might have a few days of less than perfect eating, it doesn't mean you blew it. Get back to good, healthy, delicious food as soon as you can.

The week between boot camps

Boot Camp doesn't officially start until Monday, November 5th but for a few days this week I did metabolic training. Metabolic training is similar to boot camp but a little bit harder I'd have to say. For example, I bench pressed 65 pounds and dead lifted 35 lbs. (which isn't a lot but I didn't want to overdo it.)
I also had to jump rope which I was never good at when I was 10 but I tried. I did it more like skip rope but I had to do it for 150 reps!!! One day we had to do knees to chest while hanging from a bar. Admittedly, I had a hard time. I don't have a lot of upper body strength and for some reason I can't do certain exercises where I have to lift my legs up...I think I lack some hip flexibility. Also, I am a little bit fearful of heights and to get up to the bar I had to step up on two stools and then I am afraid of missing the stool when I come down. Actually one day we were doing chin-ups and I was so afraid of falling Cindy had me do chin-ups on the rings (near the floor) instead. Cardio days are alternated with more weight focused days to give your muscles a rest. I like the weight training days better. But I know I am burning fat on the cardio days because I get all redfaced and sweaty and I feel like the fat is melting off. That's a good thing.

These workouts are much more than physical. Emotionally I feel stronger (well, most of the time) and even though I am working my body, a lot of it is mental. For example, you wouldn't think playing wall ball would be difficult, but imagine you're throwing a 6-8 pound (or more) weighted ball against the wall and you have to catch it and throw it quickly for 75 times. You feel it in every arm, shoulder, chest muscles including the abs...but to do it all you have to tell yourself you can do it. Literally, during some exercises where I have to do multiple reps with a heavy weight, I find myself closing my eyes to finish the exercise. I can focus better when I close my eyes. I don't know if anyone else does that but it works for me. I also have to think myself through some workouts and remind myself that I am getting stronger and losing fat and that all this work is worth it.

I've found that my posture seems straighter. My confidence is building. Self-esteem is improving. My clothes are looser, I can see my muscles, people are noticing and it feels wonderful. I can see myself 100 pounds lighter in less than a year from now.
I am changing in body, mind and spirit.

Gut Instinct: Visualize your body at its perfect weight. It's a great motivator!