Trigger Foods

Last week I wrote about my sister bringing cookies into my house. I managed to avoid the Milanos until last night...I wanted to eat the whole bag just to get them gone but I managed to eat only 2, but we still had the Oreos hanging around. However, they got a little stale and were soft. Now that doesn't bother me...I'll eat them anyway. I took a few (maybe 5) and threw the rest of them out reasoning that they were stale and no one would want them except for me. Well I was wrong because my 14-year old went looking for them and when I told her I threw them away she got upset and said she likes them soft because she usually dunks them in milk so it doesn't matter. Oh well. I had to do what I had to do so I wouldn't eat anymore Oreos.


Having these cookies in the house has triggered me. I've been craving sugar and sweets. Which leads me to craving carbs and not the good complex kind, but the simple, turn into sugar, kind. For example, I had a MacDonalds hamburger for dinner tonight at work because it is quick and easy. I also got a side salad though, instead of fries so it could have been worse. But then later a coworker bought me a chocolate mint Lindt ball which I have been avoiding. Worse than that though is that I got home at 10:30, my kids were in bed, but my 17 -year old middle child who wants to be a chef left me a note saying dinner was in the oven. I figured I'd wrap it up but when I took it out, the smell of it made me want some...she made a pasta and chicken, pesto, tomato sauce casserole with melted cheese on top. I took a small scoop. Microwaved it and chowed down. YUM...seconds....yes I had a larger bowl and still not done. I had a weight watchers ice cream bar. UGH Now I am full but I should be getting to bed. Why didn't I listen to my body??? I was not hungry at all...but seeing food made me want it and I couldn't stop. No excuses. I just had a minor binge. Back on track tomorrow.


The crazy thing is I am still exercising almost every day. For the past couple of days I've worked out with a tape AND gone for a 20-30 minute walk. The weather has been sooooo beautiful I wanted to enjoy it while it's here. I also take my journal notebook and do my morning pages (a la The Artist Way by Julia Cameron) at the sea wall. There is no way to describe the bliss of writing by the sea, with the waves as background music, the sun and sky as your light and the salty air caressing your skin. Aaahhh!!

Thank goodness I'm exercising otherwise I'd be gaining all my weight back as it is I have gained a pound as of this morning. I will have to avoid the scale tomorrow after my late night pasta and WW ice cream mini-binge.



One more week until the Boot Camp begins!! Can't wait!!

Gut Instinct: Avoid trigger foods. Ask sister to take cookies home with her.

From Coaching to Cookies

It's been a few days since I've posted because I've had a bout with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome-'nuff said) and like a good friend says "share not scare" so I won't go into details. Just ask anyone you know who has IBS.

But anyway....I had my appointment with Cynergy Coaching and I'm all set. Cynthia, the owner/trainer is faxing my doctor to get clearance for me since I do have several health issues such as high blood pressure (on meds), pre-diabetes, and heart issues (open heart surgery to repair a hole in my heart). I am psyched to get started. I even asked my boss at work if I could start at 11 a.m. instead of 10 a.m. so that I could do the 9 a.m. class and she agreed. Yay! It will be like the Biggest Loser except I won't get kicked off for not working out enough or not losing weight. Cynthia measured my waist and hips because she said I may not see a huge weight loss but I will see inches lost.

Doing this boot camp is a big step for me because I can barely last 10 minutes on a treadmill. I don't do aerobic classes at the gym because I usually turn beet red and the instructor always comments/worries. Hey, I'm Irish and light skinned and I have rosacea...I get red in the face faster than Britney Spears publicist.

To challenge myself physically in a group is a challenge all by itself. Deep in my heart I know this is the next step and that this WILL change my life and my body. I've let my body go for far too long. How can I ignore the synchronicity of wishing on my blog for a challenge and someone emailing me with Cynergy's website. Notice the messages sent from universe, well, at least the cyberspace universe.

Now that I've shared my fitness goals I will have to be honest here. This is a blog on intuitive eating and being conscious and aware. Last night my sister came for dinner and she brought Pepperidge Farms Milano cookies. Now, my sister is fairly thin and in shape for a 60-year old but she enjoys cookies with her tea at night. It's a family thing. We all like cookies. My mother used to give me Chips Ahoy and Tea for breakfast when I was a teenager. Comfort food. Trigger food. My sister can stop at 2, once I start I have a hard time stopping. After she left I had a cup of tea and 4 Milanos. And we had some Oreos she brought too, so I had half a dozen of those. I blew my day with cookies. I wasn't hungry. I was tired. Ignored my intuition. I gave into temptation even though I knew I shouldn't. Should have gone to bed. However, I have learned that one slip of food in the mouth does not mean I have to continue slipping into a binge cycle. I ate well today and there are still Milanos and Oreos in the house, but tonight I chose to have a cup of chai tea and no cookies or any snack. Still trying not to eat at night. I originally said 7 p.m. but I'm happy if I don't eat after 9 since I am a night owl.

I'd love to hear from others who are on or who have been through this journey.

Gut Instinct: One (or eleven) cookies doesn't have to lead to an all out binge. Move on and continue on the path to wellness.

Me? Boot Camp??

In my blog a few days ago, I wished I had a trainer to lead me in exercise challenges like they do on the Biggest Loser. Well, I got my wish. A friend, or should I say "angel," commented on my blog and told me about Cynergy Coaching, a local personal training and nutritional counseling firm. I checked out the website and found a link to the Boot Camp they offer monthly April through November. They had videos of what the boot camp looks like and you know what? It looked a lot like a Biggest Loser workout (outside of the gym). Really reasonable cost too, even though I really can't afford anything extra (but I don't want to say that...got to think positive).

Each month, all month, you meet for one hour (you choose the best time from 4 choices) and they put you through a warm-up, circuit leading into partner and group workouts into a cool down. Exactly what I am looking for: it will definitely ramp up my exercise and it gives me a trainer and a group to work out with. Well, I emailed them and worked out an arrangement and this Wednesday I have to go in for an "evaluation." EEK! I'm excited about it but I also worry that I won't "pass." I will pass. I will pass. I will pass. Positive affirmations!

This is from the website: "Cynergy Boot Camp classes are designed to give you a total body workout. You can expect running/walking, cardiovascular challenges, partner exercises, athletic drills, creative resistance training, relay races and much more." They promise increased strength, mental and physical challenges, better endurance and an improvement in cardiovascular output, increased self-confidence and relaxation. Perfect!

The boot camp starts October 1st so I will keep you posted!

Grocery Shopping--Food is Fuel

Went grocery shopping today and spent way too much money. You always hear it costs more to eat healthier foods. I don't think that is always true, however it is true you have to shop more often and buy more variety so that you can continue to eat healthy. For me, when I run out of the healthy foods I turn to the junk foods that are still in my cabinets because I haven't quite gotten my kids totally into healthy snacking. So I try not to let my cabinets and fridge get too low on fresh veggies and fruits.

Today I went to Trader Joe's first to get some staples that I love such as Pirate's Booty, fresh salsa, guacamole, vegestable nests, frozen organic fruit for my smoothies, natural peanut butter,
feta, goat and mozzarella cheeses. Trader Joe's has great prices. Then it was off to Star Market for the rest of my groceries. Salad stuff, fruits, chicken, beef and pork, coffee (decaf of course), eggs, yogurt, hummus, milk, juice, eggs, paper goods, and Weight Watchers dessserts for those chocolate cravings. Of course, I got my kids some pasta, bagels, Cheez-its, ice cream sandwiches, granola bars, ramen noodles and macaroni and cheese...I don't eat any of those foods anymore and have no desire to either which is huge for me!

I would love to shop at Whole Foods but it is a distance for me plus I do think that some of their prices are higher than a traditional market. All I want to do is eat healthier and when I am on track eating fabulous clean, organic, fresh foods, I feel so much better.

A friend told me once that FOOD IS FUEL and I try to remember that when I want to grab something that I know will not fuel me optimally. Eat something high in sugar and I feel groggy and sluggish and I know my blood sugar is being affected. When I eat a salad filled with fresh veggies, walnuts, goat cheese, dried cranberries, a protein like tuna/chicken and a light dressing I know I am feeding my body well and it responds in kind.

Food is fuel but that's not all it is to me. Food is something to enjoy. To savor. To appreciate. Eating should be a pleasurable experience. That's why God gave us taste buds.

Gut Instinct: Shop for healthy foods=eating healthy foods. Food is Fuel. Food is Pleasurable.

Yoga Booty Ballet

Well, I got my dvd player to work yesterday and tried out the Yoga Booty Ballet I borrowed from my nutritionist, Noelle. It starts out very soothing and meditative and gradually increases in intensity. However, I found I could not keep up and this was the basic program!! I love yoga but I find the downward dog pose difficult. I think it is because I get a little dizzy having my head upside down and maybe with blood pressure issues that is not a good position to be in and one whole part involves being in downward dog frequently. If you don't know what downward dog is, it involves bending over at the waist and touching the floor with your hands and your feet are touching the ground and you make a triangle with your body and the floor. Picture a dog who arches their back and you might get the idea. Here's a picture from Yoga Journal.com.

The dvd is great but I think I have to work up to it.
Maybe as I continue losing and exercising with other tapes eventually I can do this one.


I'm going to dig though a box of videotapes that I boxed up to find some of my old workout tapes like Richard Simmons Sweating with the Oldies and Denise Austin (sometimes though they are just a little too perky for me...but they are inspiring for sure).

Off to do my indoor walking tape. Want to do more walking outside and will work on finding a walking buddy.


Gut Instinct: Dont push yourself to do exercises your body isn't ready for because you could injure yourself.

Biggest Loser on TV = Motivation

Last night was the premiere episode of this season's Biggest Loser. I find that show to be a huge motivator for me. All those people over 200 pounds, busting their butts working out, and learning healthy eating habits. I wish I had Bob or Kim or even Jillian (even though she's so tough she's scary) as my trainers and I also wish I had 6 hours to work out each day ( not that I really want to work out that long, but when they weigh-in they lose so much weight each week that I wouldn't mind trying it). But that's what's great about the show. They are committed to losing the weight for good and if they're not, then they get sent home in the elimination round. For example, in last night's episode, Amber's heart wasn't into it and during the workouts she cried that she wanted to go home. I felt badly for her because she could really use the trainers' guidance.

Those of us seriously on the weight loss journey know that your heart has to be in it. There has to be commitment. For the first time in many years I finally feel ready; this is the year I release the weight that has been holding me back from living fully.Sure, some days that commitment weakens but the difference is I get right back on track. I don't let one bad day or binge ruin the whole week. Like Kim said last night, "I can help anyone change their body, but I can't change their mind. They have to make up their minds. they have to want it more than anything." And I DO want it more than anything.

I just love the older guy on the show. He lost so much weight in 7-10 days.

I loved his mantra while he was on the treadmill, "Age is only a number."

I wrote that I know I have to ramp up my exercise, either by doing different tapes, exercises or exercise longer or probably both. I would love to get a treadmill one of these days too. Maybe it's time to get back to the gym so I can use the ellipticals and treadmills there and maybe take a water aerobics class. I love the gym once I'm there, it's the getting there part. I have to make time for it and I promise myself that I will get back to the gym soon.

I may try interval training by walking and doing intervals of one-two minutes of running. I'm not a runner but I think it will make a huge difference in my weight loss. I admit there is some fear behind that idea. That's why I wish I had someone to walk or train with. The buddy or group thing works for me. Wouldn't it be great to have a trainer/buddy/group that would go with you on hikes, walks, kayaking, and do some of the fun looking exercises/challenges they do on the Biggest Loser? I think it would be fantastic! It would be so much fun! I wonder if there are trainers out there that do those kinds of things with their clients? Please let me know if you know of any trainers like that.

Gut Instinct: Exercise can be fun!

Back on Track

A few months have passed but I've been working hard on getting back on track and eating mindfully and intuitively. In May I started working with a holistic nutritionist. She is wonderful. Her plan is not only holistic but realistic.:-)
My weight did not fall off like I thought it would once I started eating more mindfully again. I'd lose a pound or two and gain it back the next week. Frustrating. This went on for almost 3 months. I lost about 5 pounds in that time. Not great but at least I didn't gain. But then my nutritionist, Noelle, started a fat burning group and the first two weeks I had the same problem, pounds down, pounds back on. SO I decided to keep a food journal..again. After Noelle looked at it she saw that I was not eating ENOUGH! But how can an obese woman NOT lose weight by NOT eating??? Doesn't make sense to me. But she said my body thought I was starving it so it held on to the weight. Wasn't that nice and thoughtful of my body...NOT!
But anyway the 8 week group program is over and I've lost about 11 pounds in those weeks. But my total loss since I wrote last is about 13 pounds. As of right now I weigh 229. I don't want to be that 200+ pound woman anymore. During the program I realized I need to boost up my exercise. Doing it occasionally wasn't going to get the weight off. For the past few weeks I've been getting up and exercising with some old videos, Donna Richardson from the 80s/90s and Leslie Sansone's Walk the Walk. The weight is definitely moving around. I feel like I am getting muscle and losing fat. It may not show up on the scale as fast as I'd like but it is slowly releasing itself. I'm going to continue with the food journal as it keeps me honest. I am going to try and ramp up the exercise again as well. I am going to attempt Yoga Booty Ballet once I get my DVD player working. And then I'm going to borrow some tapes from the library too.

Also I feel the need to discuss the scale. That small piece of equipment that can make or break a day. In a previous post I mentioned some diet books and doctors recommend only weighing once a week or monthly or never. Personally for me, I've been getting on the scale twice a day, once in the morning after my shower and then at night before I go to bed. For me, it's a way I can monitor how well I've done eating and exercising for the day. At first, the fluctuating pounds drove me crazy but now that I'm making better food choices and exercising it helps to keep me motivated and if I gain a pound or two I know I need to look at my food journal and maybe increase my exercise that day. I'm not going to release this weight as fast as I'd like, but damn it, with Noelle's help and support I'm going to reach my goal!

Gut Instinct: By writing in a food journal, daily weigh-ins and exercising I will release my weight and reach my goals.